Starfish

     A typical obese woman, named Noreen, with diabetes is brought to the ER because her family noted that her foot was bleeding when they went to visit her one morning.  She lived alone with the exception of her small pet dog who I will call Daisy.  Upon further examination, the family astutely noted that three of Noreen's toes were missing.  They also noted that Daisy had some blood on her muzzle and that she hadn't touched the food in her dog-bowl that morning.  Putting two and two together it was determined that Daisy had apparently eaten three of Noreen's toes off sometime during the night as she slept in her Lay-Z-Boy recliner.  Because of the neuropathy from her diabetes, Noreen felt not a single bit or nibble.  I seemed to be the only person in the room who was shocked by this situation.  Her son, Dylon, and other family members in the room seemed not the least bothered by this terrible and gruesome injury.

"They'll just grow back, right?", says Noreen's son Dylon.

I look at Dylon in his dirty overall's and dirty Kenworth trucking hat amazed by his stupidity.  Is he serious?  So if people lose appendages, they'll just grow right back?  This is a special family I'm dealing with here.

"No they won't just grow back.  Not unless your Mom is part starfish.", I said.

"What if we were able to fish the toes out of the dogs poop?  Could they be sewn back on?",  said Dylon.

You have got to be kidding me.  This guy cannot be for real.  Does he really think these toes would be salvageable after being eaten and traversing a dog's GI tract?

"Sorry, that won't work either.  We are going to have to admit your Mom to the hospital so that these wounds can be debrided and allowed to heal, but, unfortunately there is no way to save her toes".

I don't really remember Noreen ever saying a word.  Perhaps she was just too overwhelmed by the situation or perhaps she just had nothing to say.  She was admitted, had her wounds cared for, and
after a few days in the hospital, Noreen went "weee-weee-weee all the way home" missing a few little piggies.